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sleepless

July 31, 2010

If youve never slept a summertime night in the state of Georgia you really dont know what your missing. For a week now, in SF and now here in Peachtree City I have not been able to fall asleep before 3 or 4am. Sleeping is the one thing ive never had trouble with. Its funny how living in a city erases almost every sensory memory of your previous life. The cicadas are screaming outside at the top of their lungs and the train from my childhood sings like a ghost throughout the night. Yet all at the same time there is such an eerie silence to it all. How could I have forgotten? I creep around my house on my tiptoes not wanting to make a single sound. When Im in SF I feel like I am sleeping on a street. The yelling, the fighting, the singing, the cars, the sirens, the shopping carts, the gunshots, the fireworks, the neighbors- Im glad I have a comfortable bed.

I am surrounded by all these objects, these memories, that I am still unsure of. This place made me who I am. I am so obsessed with the concept of home, of this place. I know it’s because I still don’t know what happened to me here, what happens to me every time I come back here. Im confused about almost everything in my life right now. It always seems that as soon as its all really coming together- it shatters, like glass, in all of its transparent misery.

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