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August 18, 2010

the past few days have been a lot different then the past few weeks. i have been very blessed in my life. i have never lost someone close to me. i dont really have a relationship with death and grief the way some others do. for that i am very thankful. im sure everyone has a fear of death or loss.

when visiting with a doctor last week he asked me what i had lost so far in my life. i talked a little about my grandparents and a lot about a cat i lost back in highschool. i burst in to tears thinking of this cat, but then started laughing, embarrassed at the thought that this man has probably listened to people who have lost so much. but that cat meant so much to me. it came into my life when i really needed it and was always making me laugh. it was poisoned and it died in my arms only a couple hours later. it was too late, there was nothing i could do. unexpected.

i feel like these past few days have been my first real encounter with loss. this past year has been one of the best of my life. despite all the household drama that almost spiraled me in to a hateful anxious creature, i had something to keep me sane. i had something great and i was growing up. i hate how it was so hard for me to be the person i really want to be.

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