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for my other half

April 27, 2011

kari d woke me up this morning to tell me she got a job in NYC. i have never been happier for anyone. i am so proud of her and everything that she has accomplished. living with her for the past 3 years i cant imagine life with out her. she is my everything. she wrote this letter today and it touched my heart. i have always envied her way with words.

——

dear san francisco, and dear you; whomever you might be.

by Kari Devereaux on Tuesday, April 26, 2011 at 6:09pm

there are over 6500 languages in the world, yet here I am, struggling to find the proper translation of my heart….

im sure by the end of this letter, to whom ever it may concern, i will have streams of eyeliner running down my face, and most likey some misspelled words due to the blurry vision from the tears…

i guess you could say this my farewell letter, to those of you whom are reading this right now.

not goodbye, never goodbye…

assuming you know a little about me, you know that I have recently graduated from the academy of art in december. well i got the amazing news this morning of such a wonderful job opportunity in new york! i know, i know… its not california weather… BUT it is where i need to be to pursue what I am so fucking passionate about. its where i need to be.

im going to launch into this unknown territory of my life with this extreme momentum to make it everything.

everything i believe in and everything i can possibly dream.

the passion that drives me wont give up, and i wont let it.

i am moving to new york on June 1st.

i must to what i must do. it literally aches me to leave everything that i worked 4 years to gain here in this dreamy place called san francisco. but every single minute was worth it. i came here, to be free. and i did that. i have never, ever, been as happy in my whole life than the past four years here in san francisco.  but i will i take everything i have seen, everything i have learned, and everyone that i have met and will keep all of those memories with me, in my head and always in my heart.

those of you who are actually still reading this…. its you who i will miss. i wish i could sit here and list out all of the memories, but that would take days. gosh i don’t even know where i would begin.

you know you found it because you feel it when they take it away.

my soul belongs here, this is where my sunshine and my creativity arises.

all thanks to you, my friends and my city. your fresh air, your beautiful lands, and your beautiful smiles.

its what i live for. it kills me so much.

im hurting so bad….but i must, i must go.

i hope you think of me, time to time. i hope i made an impact on someone.

its all i strive for in my life.

its everything i need.

i want to do something that means something to somebody, and i hope i did, even it was for a millisecond. i hope i made you smile or feel something inside that you havnt felt before. i hope i left an impact on you, as much as you left an impact on me. whether it be you, my best friend, or you, who i never once spoke to; you mattered to me, and you made me the person i am right now. and i couldn’t be happier.

thank you.

always be on the lookout for the presence of wonder.

i know im not moving away foreverrrr and you make think this is sappy, but i feel like i am leaving something that i love so dearly, and i can only give the gratitude that i feel, to you, through my words.

i want to rip open my rib cage and let light shine light out, just fucking scream and shine.

these past four years have been the most outrageous, magical times of my life.

but hey, every exit is an entrance to somewhere else, right?

i don’t know if this is a letter to san francisco, or to you, my friends, but i just know that i feel that i have become just a better person, due to you.

i finally found myself, and now, i can move on to the next chapter in my tale.

i will miss you, and damn straight i will come back and visit. and know you and your friends always have a couch to crash on in NY. i have no idea where i am going to live, or who i will meet.

maybe i will be a loner, but im okay with that.

its a good kind of scared.

its a journey, and i am so ready.

thomas editions last words; “its beautiful over there.” i don’t know where there is, but i believe its somewhere, and i hope its beautiful.

well here i go, to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

I will always carry you 

inside 

outside

on my fingertips 

and at brain edges

and in centers 

centers 

of what I am of 

what remains.

-Charles Bukowski

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